the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
