the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize