Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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