Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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