my phone needs a breathalizer
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
