Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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