if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
