dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was like eating out sand paper
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
