Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
