she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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