i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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