Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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