trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
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