we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
