What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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