Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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