Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
