It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
