I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
