I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love you. Go after that dick
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
