we're blogging at a bar
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
