how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
