I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
