Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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