Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
