Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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is this the sara with the beer cane?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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