Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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