Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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