Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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