at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
