Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
