We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
