I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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