I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize