my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
