Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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