walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
