Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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