sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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