Even the bartender felt bad for me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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