Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
