I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
