Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
