what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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