i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
