You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you will always have a special place in my vag
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
