Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
