Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
