we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
