gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
