Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
