Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
