If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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