We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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