we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
