is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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