I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
