What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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