you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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