Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need moral support for this bender
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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