is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
