well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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