It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
