Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
