He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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