from now on my penis is your penis
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
