Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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