I think my vagina is haunted
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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