Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
