how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
