please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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