I wanna bring you to show and tell
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
