I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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