i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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