I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize